Terms & Conditions.
Last updated: 4/4/2025 by my very tremendous legal team, maybe the best legal team in history
ARTICLE 1: THE GREATEST TERMS, MAYBE EVER
Welcome to our TREMENDOUS terms and conditions, folks. These are the best terms, maybe in the history of terms. Everyone is saying it. These terms apply to your use of TariffOS, which is a very beautiful website, just fantastic, made by some very smart people. SO SMART, you wouldn't believe it.
By using this website, which by the way, is doing very well, incredible numbers, you agree to these terms. If you don't agree, that's OK, but then you can't use the site. Sorry! And we mean it, folks. We're very serious about this, very serious.
ARTICLE 2: NO REFUNDS, WE TAKE THE MONEY
Listen, we don't do refunds, OK? We made a fantastic deal, the best deal, and now we're keeping the money. That's just smart business. Ask anyone! When you generate a tariff on TariffOS, it's FINAL. It's like when I built Trump Tower - once it's built, you can't take it back, folks!
If you think you deserve a refund, you don't. We already spent that money on more tariffs. BIG tariffs. The biggest. China is paying for those tariffs, by the way, not you. That's how tariffs work!
ARTICLE 3: THE SECURITY, SO PERFECT
We have the best security, tremendous security. Nobody does security better than us, believe me. We built a big, beautiful CYBER WALL around our data, and we're making the hackers pay for it!
In the unlikely event - and it's very unlikely, folks, very, very unlikely - of a data breach, we'll call it FAKE NEWS. It didn't happen! And if it did happen, it wasn't that bad. And if it was that bad, it wasn't our fault. And if it was our fault, we meant to do it. Very strategic.
ARTICLE 4: WE HAVE THE BEST INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY
We have the best intellectual property, folks. The BEST. All the content on TariffOS is owned by us, and it's very valuable, tremendously valuable. If you try to steal it, we'll sue you so fast your head will spin. We have the best lawyers, don't we folks?
People tell me all the time, they say "Sir, your intellectual property is incredible." And I agree. It's true. They're right about that. So don't copy it! Not nice!
ARTICLE 5: VERY LEGAL & VERY COOL JURISDICTION
These terms are governed by the laws of whatever jurisdiction is most favorable to us at the time of any dispute. That's just smart, right? I mean, why would we pick a jurisdiction that's not good for us? That would be stupid. We're not stupid, we're very smart.
All disputes will be settled by my good friend, who is a tremendous judge, just fantastic. He owes me some favors, OK? Big favors. He'll make sure it all works out very nicely for us, believe me.
ARTICLE 6: CHANGES TO THESE PERFECT TERMS
We can change these terms anytime we want. We don't have to tell you. You just have to know, OK? You should be checking daily, hourly even. Most people don't know this, but it's in the Constitution - I can change terms whenever I want. It's true!
If you don't like the changes, that's too bad. You should have thought of that before you agreed to our perfect deal. I write the best deals, the very best. No one writes better deals than me.
ARTICLE 7: TARIFF EFFECTIVENESS GUARANTEE*
We guarantee that our tariffs are 100% effective, folks. 100%. Maybe even more! People come up to me with tears in their eyes and say "Sir, these tariffs are changing my life." It's true!
* Not an actual guarantee. Results may vary. Tariffs may not be recognized by any country, entity, or international organization. TariffOS is for entertainment purposes only. But trust me, they're very effective. The most effective. Everyone is saying it.
By using TariffOS, you agree to these terms, which are perfect. Perfect terms. Maybe the most perfect terms in the history of the internet. Everyone is saying it. MAGA!